dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
