You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so let's talk penis.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
