She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
