just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
