My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
