I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
