Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
