Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
