I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
