its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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