It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
