I am puke
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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