Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
