We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
