i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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