he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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