I think I won the penis lottery.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
