Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
