I think my fart just growled at me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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