lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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