We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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