just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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