She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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