i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
