I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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