A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
