Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
