You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
