How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
