...so i touched it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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