You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
