The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
high people should be assigned attendants
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
