just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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