If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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