i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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