I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize