Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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