She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
