just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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