The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
