i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My vagina is officially offended.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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