New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Found your dick twin last night
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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