yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
