so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I want a musical about memes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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