i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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