Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
