hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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