can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize