shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
