Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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