I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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