My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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