he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Are we still banned from the library?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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