dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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