it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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