trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
