i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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