At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize