I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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