you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
