i just wanna soil my oats bro
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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