dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
