I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
