No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
