We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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