Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
