you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
