you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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