I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
