hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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