the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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