Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
