mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She's the barista slut.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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