you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize