i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
