do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
