I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
