You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
