You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
