Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
