i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
