I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize