Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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