i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
