Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
