im six kinds of drunk right now
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
