Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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