Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize