Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
