textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My life is pants optional.
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