If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
