Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
