Non-Jews are for practice
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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