So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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