I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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